Today in sch feeling super painful
i vomit 10times in sch the last two
time i even vomit blood pain.

yesterday night i nv sleep at all
cos i was think about the LOST
32A i was damn scare i cant sleep
at all i was damn worry yesterday
was one of the most painful night
i hv this 2 week.

my days r number even i dont know
how long can my body take all this
all i wish is for u to be happy and
my friends around me to be happy















I will always love u when u need me
u can come and find me even if i am
gone i will still be here for u i will nv
leave u alone i still cant bear to leave
u

Today when to study with jiayu at the library
waited her for more than half and hour.
than finial she came and then we when
to the library to study till 5.10pm than we
to the met to go back she have to go back sch to
have lesson and i came home.

Damn tried after i came home wanted to bath
and study again but i fell asleep at my sofa
till 9pm i slept super long no wan call me
wake up damn it i sleep 4 long hr damn it
i must be damn tried today i hardly sleep
so long.
i feel like i am a pig sleep so long
haha

Today was not really a bad day after all
have a really good chat with jiayu thank
u for hearing me and my problems u r so
nice.

My heart very very weak now i feel like
it has torn in to many pieces by u but
i hope time can heal my wounds.

i should nv love then i will nv feel the pain

Today sch was the same but after
sch was a lit different i when for
some rehearsal for sch founders
day award winners and after that i when
to look for yiting to help me to do my d&t
but the bookshop close so i got a lit piss but
i still hv alit bit more time to finish my D&T
so nvm.

after i nv get to do my d&t i ask yiting
wat she wan to do now she said go home
then i ask her go study and we when to the
library to study and as we study we did some
small chat and it was fun studying with her
thx yiting for studying with me i did quite alot
of work lets do that more and maybe i can do
better for my exam haha.

LORD HELP ME LET ME BE A BETTER PERSON
TO LOVE MY FRIENDS AND TO CARE FOR HER
LORD HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME COS I AM
UR WORK LET UR LOVE MELT MY BODY AND
CHANGE ME INSIDE OUT .


i love u why dont u get me i really dont know
how to tell u maybe be i am not a guy fit to love u.
i guess it is time to forget about u and start a new
with u as my friend i think that is better for me
and u let the past be the past let me treat u as my
best friends give me a chances to love and care
for u like wat i am doing for my best friends now .
pls dont leave me all i wan is to protect u and be
by ur side till i am gone from this place .

give me a chances to love ,care and protect
u ok will u give me this chances cos i hv forget
about the thinking that we may be together
all i wan is to care and love u as my FRIEND
that is all no more than that.




why is my life all was sux
i really dont get it cos i wan
to life like a normal person
but i cant there will be ppl
keep making me i dont get it
why must ppl keep making me
wat the fuck i do wrong that u
ppl must make me must i show
u all my real color before u can
come to a stop the last time i show
my color is like a long long time ago
i don't wish to do that cos i will hurt u
all very badly don't make me do it cos
i dont wish if u push me to the wall i will
do it and dont regret cos u may lose ur life
i mean it cos i am really to show u wat am i
make of.

u all my think i am very soft dont let me
lose it cos i will be like a bull that keep
coming after u no matter wat pain
is coming at my way i will keep going
till u r down i am not a person that
u should make cos i will let u die
and i REALLY MEAN it i dont joke
about it.

today sch was damn boring i dont like
any lesson at all and i am still damn piss
off by wat happen on sat i am going to
make him die if he dare to make me anymore
dont let me do it or u will have to pay the price.

yiting i told u so many times to take care
of urself why cant u hear me ? am i a nobody
to u or i am just a loser that cant take care of my friends .

YEAH today is my 100 post and
yesterday i when to founders award
ceremony at Singapore Swimming club,
Grand Ballroom.

it was Quite fun cos i get to see alot of
my NDP07 mates getting and i took alot
of picture yeah but i am not going to show u
all haha.

if u all r wondering wat is founders award is
i am going to tell u all now.

The FOUNDER'S AWARD is the highest and
most honorable award a Boy can attain in the
Seniors Programme.

it took me 4 long and painful years to get and
alot of hardwork but this is only some part of it still got
alot of shit to do before getting this super honorable award.

i have to thank
LORD
YITING
GLEN
JOSHUA
JIA YU
AND MY BB FRIENDS
that help me pull through the hard times
i when through this to get this award to
day i get it A BIG BIG THANK U to all
for u that help me and it is really wonderful
to have u all as my friends and without u all
i will not get founders award.

THANK U ALL

Today after sch when to c mr mark
and after that rush home to change and
when to the hospital to vist my grandmother
i feel damn sad when i c her so sick.I almost
cry but i did not cos if i cry she will cry i hv
to be strong cos my whole family is damn
stress up over my grandmother sickness
and i hv to look after myself well so that
i dont add anymore stress on to them .

Trm is founders award dinner i am going
to be in the speech i dont feel really that
happy cos my grandmother sickness i
also think about not going for the founders
dinner but my mother wans me to go cos
this only going to happen once in life time
and after thinking about i said ok i shall go.

i just found out that someone i call my best friend
can forget wat i told her and almost waste my alot of money
and time. this really teach me nv to plan thing early
cos it may not work out like u hv planed at all and u may
even turn out to be like me almost spend alot of money
on someone that u trust and love and just wanted to
to do something but it look likes i am just wasting my
time my money on it so from now on i am not going to
plan for any of my bfs birthday cos it maybe the same.

a heavy price to pay to learn a big lesson
i will nv plan anymore party for my best friend
cos i am scare it will ever turn out to be like this
sorry joshua i wanted to bring to somewhere to
hv ur birthday but it looks like now no more
SORRY JOSHUA.

LORD HELP ME GIVE ME THE POWER AND
THE WILL TO FINISH THIS RACE.

Today after sch i when to meet Brandon to have lunch and
after lunch we all when home when i was on the way home
i get a call for my mother that my grandmother has just
when into hospital cos she fainted and now they r in the
hospital .

When i hear my grandmother when into hospital i almost
cried when i reach home i suddenly felt the house is damn
empty and i real lost and i started to wonder wat will happen
if my grandmother left this time and i started to cry and praying
to the lord and ask him for help after praying i suddenly rmb
something that one of my best friend told me that even though
ur grandmother leave i must be happy with it cos she is with the
lord.

After crying i when and on the computer and i when to read mr chua
blog and i saw this video called 99 balloons from godtube and after
watching this video i damn was touch by it.

The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.
Job 1:21

Eliot was born with an undeveloped lung, a heart with a hole in it and DNA that placed faulty information into each and every cell of his body. However, that could not stop the living God from proclaiming Himself through this boy who never uttered a word .



Today is damn freaking cold
after when to meet up with
nat and henry when to BB hq
to buy thing and after that
i when to eat lunch at zion road
food center hmm that side food
is quite nice.

after that i when back to Hq to
meet mr chua and ask him
about founders award dinner
wat do i hv to do and wat must i
do to that night after that me and
mr chua started to chat about founders
and all the things that have happen and
we also talk about wat joel lai did to me and
how joel lai was damn stress that time that
is why he do that to me and he also tell me
that joel as no friends at all and he also ask
me to forgive him i have think about
i wan to forgive him but i cant find a good
resson to forgive him after he brought
so many pain and hurt to me and he even
try to kick me out of founders and he also
look down on NA and NT.

sorry mr chua i still cant forgive him
after wat things he done to hurt me
i dont think i can forgive yet sorry.

LORD teach me wat to do about this
thing how can i find a ans that can make
me forgive him pls lord teach me and
help me.

today can count as one of my most happy days of
my stupid and crazy life i got chosen to be in the speech
for founders dinner i am super happy now.

i am hv to thank yiting glen joshua and all my bb boys
the hv support me to go for founders and without u all
i will not have pull through the joel lai case i will always
rmb all of u cos without u all i will not even get founders
and if i cant get founders i will hv the chances this chances.

my founders is going to share it with u all i dont own this
at all i will give all the things i get to u all cos u all love me
too deep i have no way to repay u all if u all hv any problem
come to me i will help u all at all cost even dying for u all i
dont mind at all.

finally i hv beat joel lai i hope this can change his view of
NA and NT dont think that we can do thing and not only
u r the best cos i am also as good as u cos i hv alot of good
friends i am not like u so loner i have alot of friends to
be my pillers not like u so loner.

pls dont look down on us cos we r not weak at i hope u can
learn ur lesson of looking down now NTs cos i hv prove that
NTs can do alot of things too.

i must thank u the most cos without ur words beside me i will not
make it till this point and if u wan any help pls come find me ok
always love u

Today i hv finish my d&t work
yeah hmm it look ok i not very
sure too.

Now i am living for GOD,my best friends
and the person that i like.

life is now starting to look better but
how long will it last i wonder i think
that along as my GOD AND MY FRIENDS
are with me i think i can still go i will not
give up cos u ask me not to so i believe
that u all will be with me.

with u all at my side i do my best
to be strong

I am sorry if i had make u very disappointed
in me i will do my very best to pick myself up.
Thank u for always being there for me i am
deeply sorry for whatever i do in the past that
hurt u i will try my very best to never be like
the past when i want to runway from all my
problem. Now i know as long i have u
by my side i have nothing to fear cos you
will be there for me.
U must know that i love u more than myself.




Yeah i just finish making cooking
for my best friends although it
don't look very nice but i did my
best this is my first time cook for
them next time i hope i can do better
and i hope they will like it.

Trm is my chi oral alit stress now
but i think everything will be find
cos i believe that the lord is with me.

Yup that is all the is for today
7days till founders dinner
yeah i hv been waiting this
day for damn damn long .




Thursday 17/07/08
when to tea garden with jia yu and
wei zheng to study but we did not do
much cos we keep chatting and eat damn
slow we reach tea garden at 3.45pm and
we only started to study at 5 and we only
study 1hr and then we when to the playground
to play like a small kid and we started to camhore
damn funny but i am damn lazy to upload them
anyway i hv alot of fun and i hv a few new nickname
me and weizheng are the powerbaby cos we hv the same
brithday haha.
me jiayu weizheng are the wonderbaby i dont why dont
ask me cos i am not that wan who come up with that name
anyway we all hv fun that is all matter.

Friday 18/07/08

today i almost finish my d&t
work pieces yeah i look damn
nice when i am done i show u all
my wonderful work.

sorry my BFs i make u all so worry
and stress about me and i wan to
let u all know i love u all no matter
wat happen.


i yesterday give myself one week to
ask myself should i die or keep living
on the dateline is 22/07/08 (10.03pm)

now i am left back with 146hr
to find my ans if by then i still dont
get the ans i will leave this world for
good that is my final word

today is my first day looking for
my ans but i cant find it

although i cant find the ans yet
but i know that my most beloved
friend is beside me and helping me
to find that ans

thx my friend but pls dont hide anythings
behind me ok

I lost my way i dont know where
to go now.all i know now is to
study study to cover my
pain in my heart

Today school the same not fun at
all i dont enjoy it a bit at all. dont
know why at all.

My friend just told me that she
cant go and study with me trm
cos she have a very backache
and she cant go i got P.S again
sian

iIlost all my appetite and i eat
very lit but i feel damn full
my father keep forcing to eat
my dinner but i really cant eat
and i dont know why

Wat the hack is wrong with me?
why at my most important time
of my life this kind of thing keep
making me?
why do i feel so lonely now ??
why must u all stop me
from cutting ??
why why why why why ???

LORD help me or take me away
from this place dont leave me here
PLS

THIS IS MAKING ME CRAZY

Today sch was the same not much different
but jacob , meh and me we did our SL thing and
i saw the pic of my SL trip and it bring back alot
of thing and i almost cry but i did not.

Something in my heart have change maybe
i should face the hard fact that she is gone and
i am nv going to get her back but seeing her with
that guy really hurts me although i have try to forget
her but my heart is still raw maybe life is no meaning to
me anymore cos i lost my most beloved person of my life
although i hv alot of nice friends but it still does not fill the
place of her cos i am to deep in love with her.

wish i can die now cos
i no nid to see them
when i c them together
it hurts my hearts to the
core




Today i had a bad start cos after the stupid
morning things we have to do i vomit out
all my morning breadfast sian after vomiting
I feel super sick but lucky my classmate know that
i vomit and they look after and also ask me to go home
but i dont wan so i last till the end of sch and after sch
i when to c the doctor cos i have started to vomit abit
blood and when i when back she said i am still very stress
and my gastric is very very weak i must not take heavy food
i only can take light food and dont sleep so late and i am
going to do the stupid scoop test but i still dont know when
but yiting told me it is not pain and not scary at all so i am
ok abit more calm about it and i am mugging like a fking
nerd cos my prelims is super near.

i am a man with a dying body
but not with a dying heart
cos my friends r there for
me.

Today when to sch as normal and after sch when lunch
with yifeng and jacob and other guy shit i forgot his name
sorry and then me and jacob when to np to meet up amber
ralene ,bolin,docars and mr.ho it was damn fun i
when to health sci and other sci course and i also know
alot of other things but i was damn fun but damn tried
cos i have vomit all my food out today i total vomit of
4 times today but nvm about that lets be happy and
live my life till the end.

I just view one of my best friend blog
and she copy my last post and put on
her blog when i know she read my blog
i was damn touch cos i nv think she will
i thought no wan will read but i was wrong
cos my blog use to have alot of emo words
and stuipd video but now i change cos my
best friends ,classmate and my other friends
make me set my mind to change for them
and if anythings happen i know they will be
there and if they have anything i would wan
them to know that i am there cos there r here
so i am there to help to although this all may
sound very mushy but this is words for my heart
and i am letting it out cos my life is like a candle
in an over turn cup i am not sure how long i can last
cos i am now starting to problem with my health this
maybe my sign of God calling me to his side so
when i still have the time i wan to let all this out
cos i know my time with u all will be very limited
so i am going to change and make the full use of
this to make sure i dont leave with alot of bad things
but leaving with a lot of things i will miss but for
one thing i will one all my friends to know is that
i love u all with all my heart and i will do my very
best to be ur non emo friend for the next few months
even if i am up there and u all are still here i will be
that light at light always be with u all.


i wan to gave this wonderful song to my best friends
LIANG YITING ,GLEN MOK,JOSHUA TANG
dont take it as i am emo.
look in to the song
and read the lyrics carefully.

is ok if u all dont get me now but one of the day
i know u all will get with the meaning of this song
and even though i am not with u all anymore
but i will be ur light up there and looking after
u up there .

"Shine On"

Please don't cry
You know I'm leaving here tonight
Before I go I want you to know that there will always be a light

And if the moon had to runaway
And all the stars didn't wanna play
Don't waste the sun on a rainy day
The wind will soon blow it all away

So many times I'd planned
To be much more than who I am
And if I let you down I will follow you 'round until you understand

That if the moon had to runaway
And all the stars didn't wanna play
Don't waste the sun on a rainy day
The wind will soon blow it all away

When the days all seem the same
Don't feel the cold or wind or rain
Everything will be okay
We will meet again one day
I will shine on, for everyone

So please don't cry
Although I leave you here this night
Where ever I may go how far I don't know
But I will always be your light

That if the moon had to runaway
And all the stars didn't wanna play
Don't waste the sun on a rainy day
The wind will soon blow it all away

When the days all seem the same
Don't feel the cold or wind or rain
Everything will be okay
We will meet again one day
I will shine on, for everyone
When the days all seem the same
Don't feel the cold or wind or rain
Everything will be okay
We will meet again one day
I will shine on, for everyone







"A real friend is one who walks in when
the rest of the world walks out."
this is for yiting, glen, Joshua
u all haven been there for me in my darkest
time of my life and when all the other people
left me u all were the only ones that pull me
through and bring to the other side and u all
remove the pain i have in my heart
although this may sound very mushy but
i wan u all to that u all will always be in my
heart and remember that if u have no wan
to look pls come and find me cos i am always
open to u all 24/7 pls let me help u out let me
lend u my ears and my heart to help u all out
i hope that u all will remember me although
our time we spend together is very short but
it all means alot to me and let us enjoy our rest
of the time together cos we may not have a chance
anymore after we left school .
I WILL ALWAYS LOVE U ALL


Today is YOUTH day me and jia yu when to tea garden mac to
study and it is was not bad i studied 6 chapter for sci and did all my
homework and i was happy and we started to camhore with my new
soft toy haha it was damn fun to camhore and we when to the playground
and play like small kid i have fun today
thx to my wonderful old friend,JIA YU
haha
and this is some pic we took at tea garden mac

























look at me











stop taking pic of me












c i told u not to anyhow take
pic now i take back at u go and
hide ur face








i shall go emo now
now i am emo piglet
hahaha














































MY NEW TOY PIGLET IS LOVED

i think i have misunderstand my best friend meaning
and i am damn tried yesterday and i cant think well
but after i talk to glen and he said sorry and some other
things i feel much better and i think better.

maybe it is time to cool down myself and stop being
so hash on somethings and stop fighting with ppl
and scolding my friends and being so rude.

my family is going hack lot of problem cos my
po po is damn sick and i am very lost i dont
wat to do all i can do is to keep her happy
but i have being crying cos when i c her
so sick i feel damn pain i wish that it was
me that was sick and not her and the doctor
was saying that she only has less than a year
life only i stater to cry again.

i hope that all my friends can understand me
and my problem and this few days i can be very
piss off and start to scold u all.

i am saying sorry to u all first and i hope u all can
forgive me and my stupid things .

thx so much
LOVE U ALL


Today was the funfair it was so damn messy
at first but things done better and in the afternoon
i was damn tried i was thinking about my family and
my po po she is super sick now and i cant do anything
to help i feel i am freaking useless i am always beside
ppl looking at them in pain and i cant help and i try to
be strong but i fail and i got very emo and i started to cry
and jacob was there and he keep very quite and let me
cry i feel better after crying and i go back acting that
nothing has happen i dont wan ppl to said i am weak
or emo so i act on and it was very painful to keep away
my pain from showing and trying to be happy but
i still did it .

yesterday i tried to share my problem with my best friends
but they was not hearing me and some even scolded me
that brought to great lot of pain i am not trying to be emo
i just wan to let it out and one of them even scolded me and tell me dont care but that is my grandmother how the hell can i not care

i just wan to talk to someone and i thought u can be the someone
maybe i dont know u well or i am to naive to treat u as my best friend
and tell u all my freaking problem
i dont know
i cry like mad after talking to u

i shall stop here if i go on i am not sure wat i will do later


Today i got fucking piss my my two of
fucking classmate.

Why the fuck is wrong with u i got make
meh u must throw a fucking water balloon
at me u bloody fucking asshole ?

i work super hard today at the funfair supermarket
and i still got scolded by my fucking classmate u dont know
a fucking shit and u start to scold u nv ask before
u bloody fucker open ur mother fucker mouth

today i am fucking piss my fucker classmate and
i vomit again damn it la wat the fuck is wrong with
today i work so hard yet i still got this kind of repayment
wow this kind of fucking shit can kill me man

from now on i am not going to care so much as long
i do my part i am ok i am not going to be so helpful
and start helping other i shall only help my friends
only.


STUPID FUCKING DAY DAMN ALL THE FUCKING
ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today did my speech and it was ok
and i was happy and the rest of the
day was ok and after sch when out
with yiting to have lunch and glen
was suppose to go but he got some
thing on any nv go but nvm but
lunch was quite nice i enjoy it and
after lunch yiting bought me ice- cream
and it was damn nice of her to buy me
ice-cream i got green apple and she got hazelnut
after eating the ice-cream when both when home
i have to go home cos today is my mother birthday
if not i can spend more time outside i don't feel
like going home.

i when out to eat dinner at i dont even know that place
but the food there is nice but i was damn full cos of the
lunch but today is a damn good day and nothing can
spoil it haha.

(:THX YITING FOR UR ICE_CREAM :)