again my night was sleepless even though i took
sleeping pills but i still cant sleep why is
me bothering me i dont know wat is wrong with
me i also dont know

going to burst soon
damn tried T.T

Today was my sci and math papers
wow sci paper 1 was ok but sci paper 2
was damn hard la alot of qus i dont know
how to ans lucky math was do- able.

After all the papers i done my head was
damn pain today wanted to stay back but
i cant cos of my stupid head if not i can
be in class playing sian.

Yesterday night is the 3rd night in the
row i cant sleep well i dont know why
i wish i know why cant i sleep really:(

Yesterday night cant sleep again hmm
i guess the stress is starting to get the
better of me and the problem i have
with my friend is building on me i am
trying very hard to find the problem
why do things always started well
but it ended like shit.


i dont wan to lose u but i am feeling i ready have

Today did not when out at all just stay at home and sleep
cos last night i nv sleep at all i just fall asleep there is just
to much things in my brain i nid to learn how to relax
and let go cos exam is just 2 day from now.

A bad news i stop vomiting for the last 2 week today
my vomiting start again i dont know why also. I take
my medicine on time but i dont why i still vomit >.<

trm is F1 race yeah have been looking forward
for damn long wow it final come singapore yeah
GO F1 cars VOOM VOOM VOOM yeah !!!

i am going to miss u but
there is nothing i can do if
u don't make a stand.

Time to let go and move on



today no sch but got some lesson when to sch at
8.45 for the first lesson and then when over to dover
with elize to buy lunch back to sch.

after that was 2 long hr of math lesson after that was
damn tried but still when to play some games before
meeting yiting to have lunch

hmm lunch was quite nice i have nv been eating with
her for quite sometime so anyway is going to be the last
time i meet her as a student of FAIRFIELD the next time
i meet her i will be a i know also.

but i hv fun talk to her and also try to dig the meat out from
the crab shell haha and ppl keep looking at us damn ps

after lunch when to queestown library to study and then
we also chat for awhile at the bus stop.

hmm today a i got a new bodyguard and her name is
LIANG YITING
hmm u ask me how much i rate u out of
5 star.
i give u 5 star happy my new bodyguard

haha today is my 2nd post
my 1st post i was still damn piss off
by my father but now i am still piss
off but my mother told me if i give up
now means i lose to him and he is right
and my mother also say this dont care
wat my father say cos he is damn childish
sometimes

after wat my mother say to me i have change
my view and i am getting back on my feets and
working again still got less than 5 days till my
exam

haha i got to get back to study now

i am totally hate yesterday cos after i finish blogging my
stupid father come and piss me off to the core and i almost
fight with him.

wat is wrong with him man i nv make him wat keep making
me and telling me so stress dont study la fine i make him happy
i am not going to study anymore i am also not going to take my
exam la even better right asshole.

why is god so unfair to me???
why have god plan my life to be so hard??
why at my weaks point in my life must still put someone there
to step on me???
GOD WHY R U SO UNFAIR TO ME

The day started off quite well but as it go on it get
hard to control my feels i have even have cry in class
abit cos i know i am going to miss my friends but
the last few hr before for i leave sch was just
totally boring.

I thought that leave is going to be very hard but
the out come has took a different way cos i dont
think anybody care about my class leave expect
the teachers not even my best friend come and
say a goodbye to me but nvm cos this show me
how much they care.

anyway this is how my sec sch life going to end
a lonely,tired, and upsad ending

hmm i guess this is the end of most of my friendship
so sad right why do i even care when most of them
dont even give a shit about me
i am just damn upsad and hurt by them.

NOW I AM TOTALLY PISS BUT I STILL HAVE TO
SAY THIS LAST FEW THINGS.

thx amber for your breadfast and to my beloved CLASS 4I of 2008
even we may have alot of unhappy event before but i still love and
care for u guy cos u r all my classmate for the last 4 years A BIG
THANK U TO ALL U GUY.





today sch was just pure BORING in class but after
sch where the FUN really begain when to art room
to help out and to study at the same time hmm not
bad i did 2 paper 1 math and 1 sci now i am totally
tried and worn out too but still must go on to study
cos i am only left back a few more day now damn
STRESS.

today also give out my homemake sandwich all say
nice so happy that my heart work pay off hmm i nv give
everyone yet i still not yet give yiting cos she nv come so
la stupid la i dont wan to waste the food so i gave to joy
but at less she got eat it haha hardwork not wasted

trm is my worst nightmare i wish this day nv come but
it just come so soon my LAST DAY i so wish that this
day can slow down but no it just keep getting faster
sian i am going to try not to cry

i am already so missing sch i wish i can stay abit longer

WOW today is a damn fun day for
me pon church but when supermaket
with my mother we when to buy all
the food needed for trm fest yeah

i have make finish all the food
o ya still got one more only trm
can make it is the so nice wan
so only trm can make

i hope the ppl that is getting can
enjoy it and now all i can do is to
wait and let them try

cant wait to let them try

Today i spend my whole day in the hospital
damn sian but at less i know where go wrong
in my body.

scope test was not painful at all
but when i finish my test i when
back to the clinic and i got part of my
report they diagnosis me as chronic
gastritis and gastro-oesophageal reflux disease

chronic gastritis means that i have very bad
gastric and at my age of 16 i am not suppose
to get this at all but i dont why i get maybe
becos i drink too much coffee and other drinks
that can hurt my stamach and i dont take my
medicine daily and still got alot of thing that
why i ended up like this.

i am kind of lucky cos if i drag a few more months
i may start to have a hole in my stomach and by that
time i will be a goner and my life is at risk so i am
totally luck.

i have to go back on wed to c dr.chew to get my other
part of the report.

half of my heart is more calm but still not totally
calm yet cos alot of thing is going to happen.

next up in my list is my last day of sch
which is next Tuesday 23/09/08

today sch was just not the same like the past cos
there is just something has more then the past
maybe is becos that we all know that we r all
leaving so now we r totally more closer cos if
we dont spend time with each other we dont
know when can we do that again.

I GOING TO MISS FAIRFIELD
I GOING TO MISS EVERYTHING
WITH IT

trm is my 2nd scoop test i and worry not about the
test but the out come of the test i am praying very hard
that nothing is in there but i know that is very likely
but i am still not giving up cos i belive god has more
plan for me.

I AM GOING TO MAKE IT
YES I WILL
RIGHT

op is trm
and i am left
with 2days in sch
and 6days left before
Ns



i am damn tried i when through alot of thing
this fews i was thinking that my time is
going to end in fairfield soon in 3days
time i was thinking wat will happen to me
and all my friends i am wish that this day
can somehow slow down cos i am totally
starting to get really worry about all the things
that is going to happen first my RE SCOOP on sat
2nd my last day of sch and lastly my Ns i know i am
being very over but i know alot of things still must happen.

i am very down now but i nid to be strong cos i promise
u that i will change and i am sorry for watever in the past
when i have alot of fight with u and i think i am going to miss
u alot and WE MUST KEEP IN CONTACT cos if we dont
100% this friendship ends here and that is not i wan

i have to say i am very selfish cos i have been ask u for help
and lets just say all the stupid things should stop cos i am
no longer there i wish u to be happy and do really very well

i have been think also to close down this blog and start a new
wan but alot of thing there is a reminder to myself of my
past although my blog is only about 1 year old but alot of things
i have learn how to handler it and if one day i really close this
blog means that i have ready put down all my problems and i dont
nid this blog to vent my anger on but for now i still nid this blog
cos alot of thing i still cant let go of

the emo clifford must go to sleep for goood this bloody
time if not more ppl will get hurt by this asshole.

3 more sch days
and 3 more days to
my scoop

worrying but still looking forward for it
cos things have to happen must happen
u cant stop anything cos we r not god
we r just human.

I REALLY TRIED OF FIGHTING WITH U
I NV WANTED TO HURT U KNOW
DO U KNOW THAT WHEN EVER U SCOLD
I ALWAYS FEEL DAMN BAD COS I KNOW I
HAVE HURT I REALLY DONT KNOW WAT TO
DO

ALL I CAN TELL U GIVE ME SOMETIME TO CHANGE
AND PLS DONT LEAVE ME I KNOW I AM DAMN ASSHOLE
BUT DONT LEAVE ME HALF WAY THROUGH

U HAVE CHANGE ME ALOT AND THX ALOT AND EVEN IF U REALLY
WANT TO LEAVE ME I CANT STOP U BUT I WAN TO TELL I AM SORRY
AND THERE WILL BE ALWAYS A PLACE IN MY HEART FOR U

I AM SORRY I DONT MEAN TOO HURT U AT ALL

today when to sch my head was damn pain but
later i stop and the rest of the day was better
o ya a really bad news came to me when i reach
home MY MAID RAN AWAY i was like r u joking
then my mum say no she ran away cos my mummy
scolded yesterday very badly and she cant take it so
she ran away.

hmm i guess now i have to go back to my part time job
as maid of the house o well life is nv smooth so i just
have to take it and go on.

yiting looks like we r now the same no maid and we
have the same part time job and u r not alone anymore
i have come back as being a part time maid as well
HAHAHA

just found something damn fun with does my name means
and it is really quite true

What Cliffordangweikang Means

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings. You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun. Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them. You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row. You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace. People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life. You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone. Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs. You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts. You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it. You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator! You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life. You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip. People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.

today was really a crazy day for me man
when out with WTF and ZS when to buy
my friend birthday gift and then saw something
damn cute and i bought it and i am planing to
give someone this week but i dont when should
i give.

after i got my things when to K box it was crazy
we all sing like shit but yet i enjoy every moment
of it wow ZS u really cant sing for nuts man but
it was totally crazy and we also drink alot man
my head is hurting now but i am still damn
happy maybe pain also comes in a happy form.

guys next time lets drink something more POWER
ok hmm how about something damn hard core
lets drink till we r totally down ok .

man i am such a bad friend sometimes
HAHAHA

the happy clifford is coming back from
a really really deep sleep

i wish to grow strong give the strength
i am asking for it now give me come into
my life now i am begging u to come and enter
into my bleeding heart.

i may have dishonored u in the past but forgive
me and wash my past into the sea and rebirth
me in your arms for i am your child forgive me.

i dont wish to stand alone

i know u r there cos u r

THE LORD

i am seeking for the lord and not death cos
i am going to change becos cos of u
i love u that why i am changing i don't want
to hurt u anymore and i wish that one day
when i am all ready i can stand in front of
u and tell u i have full change and i have
not let u down.

but when i am still in trying to change i still
nid r u willing to stand beside me and support me
i know u r tried but just bare for awhile more
ok i nid u dont forsake me.

and this time i am sure with my most of the
problems clear i will be able to put my past
to sleep for good

today i saw u i really dont know how to talk to
u like last time i really miss the time we spend
together.

there is alot of misunderstanding between us
we really nid to sit down and cool ourself down
and talk things out and even though u have change
alot but i still love and care for u alot cos u r my friend

u know i dont wan to lose u but if things keep going at
this rate i dont know how long can we go on and i really
hope that next time we come out lets just sit down and really
trash things out and watever u r not happy with me u can tell
me i wan u to be really honest to me pls if u dont let me know my
mistake i will nv learn and change than i will always hurt u and i
dont wan u to get hurt cos when i hurt u it is hurting me even more
i care and love for all my friendship.

today i maybe smiling in front of u but deep down in my heart i feel
damn painful cos i know i have again hurt u. i really wan to tell u something
that i should have told u a long time ago but i dont dare to say cos i dont know
how r u going to take it so i have hide a long time from u and if i dont tell u than
i can nv be a true and honest friend cos friend should always be honest with each
others.

R U WILLING TO FORGIVE ME




I AM FUCKING USELESS

i hurt u again and again i really dont wan to
hurt i am sorry i know i am being very complacent
now a days give me sometimes to change pls.

i also know that alot of thing i cant stop it from happening
but i really dont wan her to leave cos i really really love her
she is one of the most import person in my life without her i will
nv have everything i have now.

when someone very import in our life is going to join the lord
that kind of pain and sadness is something more painful than
anything else.

the reason i wan all A1 is becos i promise the someone that is
going to leave me that i will get all a1 and show her and every time
i dont make it i always ask myself when am i going to make it to
show her and how many more time can i fail cos time is running
low i nid to get the A1 i promise her i dont wan to send her off with
my broken promise i dont wan to feel that i did not make it for her
final wish.

i always i ask u to give me sometime to be stronger this time i promise
u that i will become stronger when i promise u somethings i will do it no
matter wat happen cos a man have to live up to his words.

i know u really really care for me that why i ONLY come to
u and to be honest u r nv useless in my heart and
in my eyes u r one of the most wonderful women
i know in my life and if i have hurt u in the past
i am sorry and i would change pls give me sometime
i know i can really be a jerk sometimes but pls dont
leave me cos u know the reason i am still here becos of u

and i am only going to say this onces u r nv uesless
and stupid in my heart pls stop saying u r that cos u r hurting
me also.

u r always going to be the good in my heart no matter happen cos
U r who u r and that is wat really matters.

I LOVE U AND RMB BY HEART

I BEG U FORGIVE ME PLS



i started off the day ok and during prayer group
i was really really down i cry for the first in front
of my prayer mate and i totally cant hold back maybe
becos i pray about my family and my grandmother.

i was praying about my grandmother and her sickness
and i was try my best to hold back my tears but i just
cant ok fine u all may think i am weak but when u know
the person u love alot is going to leave u very soon then u know
my feeling.

after the prayer group i was totally down and i cried alot of
times and i keep going to the toilet to clear up my tears when
during PE mr.mark saw me going to the toilet and my tears
were rolling down for my eyes and he ask me wat happen why
am i so down and sad about and i when to his room and sit down
there and chat with him for along time i was feeling alit better after
talking to him.

after PE was chi and chi lesson was movie time cos we all no nid to
take chi anymore yeah so happy that i can get out from chi lesson.

english was movie time again in the library this time and we watch mr ben
i was totally damn stupid la but it was damn funny i wish that time can just
stop at that moment cos i really hope that fun and joyful time can stay just abit
longer than pain but sadly this is no the case in this world the pain will still hurt
even after along time but the fun and joyful will nv last long .

and then after sch when to check for the cca awards and i got merit it was not bad
for me cos i am only a NT after all and i when to c mr tan to get a form for my last
bb camp at the end of this year.

o ya i almost for got i get to sign my PPR today and it was not as good as i wanted it
to be but i am still ok with it 2 A1 and 4 A2 i really nid to work harder to get my 6 A1.

after sch i got a call from BB HQ and they told me that my job is 100% confirmed and
all i nid to do is to go down on the 9 of next month to sign the paper work and i can start
work as manpower ic my paid is S$**** .

sometimes i ask myself why am i so WEAK why cant i just be alit stronger

thanks Charmine, Dorcas for hear my problem
i really dont know how to thank u all i haven
got any of my friends to hear my problem
thanks my retard friends

i really wish i nv write the words than maybe
my friendship with u may not end up this way
mr ow i may dont really like u but wat u say before
is damn true and i know i am at wrong but i know
u may not want to talk to me anymore u must rmb
i am still ur friend whenever u nid me i am just a call
away

why am i such a jerk why did i write that shit i should nv
have wrote those words shit i cant take back wat i have say
all i can do is to make up to u shit this time i have been
very unfair to u but be sure i am still u r friend there is
something i wan to tell u but i know now is not the
right time.

feel much better after a super good chat with my church mates
thx guys u bloody give me a super good scolding and by doing that
u all put me back on the right way thx i know i am damn dumb when
i was being damn emo and wanting to runway and to end my life to
hide from all my stupid problems i know i am damn stupid now cos
thx guy i dont how to thank u all man

and here i wan to say sorry to all the ppl reading my blog
and the past few post was just damn emo and wrong and
i nid to say sorry to someone special cos my words really
really hurt her and i am totally sorry and i know u have
done alot for me and sometimes i know i am just being
plain selfish,stupid and a jerk but can u forgive me i am
so sorry for being unfair to u i know i should not be forgiven
is ok if u dont forgive me now cos i am always going to my
selfish past but i promise u this is my last time being so
selfish forgive me ok PLS FORGIVE ME






Today when to sch around 7.15am and reach
sch about 7.45am and when i was doing ENG paper 1
the first write about someone very import in my writing
when i was writing i almost cry cos in the qus i am ask to
write about someone that i look up to and i wrote about
someone that help me through my most emotion time
this year and when i came to this point i when to the toilet
to clean up my tears cos i wrote about how she help me through
and the way she touch my heart but i stop halfway through cos
i started to think about why have our friendship become such
state that we cant even talk on the phone and after that i am really
down and it feel like i cant go on to write but i keep forcing myself
to go on do u know how painful is it i force myself to stay strong and
i told myself i must go on but it was super hard no wan can understand
my pain when i was doing my papers this maybe one of the hardest writing
i had to do due to my own emotion i cant belive how i did it but i just pray and
force myself is the most painful i cant even share how painful is it .

after that i was still trying to stay strong and i still put a smile on my face
when i when to the art room to ask mdm lim to sign on my book i was
fucking painful but i still make it through.

when i reach i when to bath and i started to cry like mad and after that
i when to sleep but i cant sleep at all and i was crying the whole time
this sux i dont think i can do it anymore.

MY HEART IS ALL BLEEDING
MY SOUL IS CRYING OUT
MY BODY IS JUST A EMTPY SHELL

I FEEL LIKE JUMPING DOWN AND END ALL THIS
STUPID EMOTION

I AM IN PAIN WHO CAN HELP ME

Yesterday was my first N lvl paper
it was quite ok was not as hard as i thought
it was DO able lets hope i can pass the whole
exam.

After my papers i when to art room and waited
weizheng but during the time i wait 4 weizheng i
was outside the art room chatting with amber, bolin
dorcas,ralene,chermaine it was damn funny when
amber was chasing bolin all over the sch. after they stop
playing bolin start making fun of me and i got alit piss
i wanted to toss bolin over the fences but mdm lim was
scolding me dont do stupid things so i stop and sit down
and keep chatting.

Around 5 me and weizheng when for dinner at LJ near
jiayu house after that we bought a cake for her when we
reach jiayu house she was not at home we started to panic
and i called jiayu while weizheng was playing with jia yu dog
at the window.

When jiayu reach home she was damn shock that weizheng
was there it was really a very very fun night but after that
i was damn tried i did not even on my computer cos tried
and no mood.

that was yesterday

this is today

Wake up around 8.20am to get ready to go to sch but when
i was on the bus i dont feel like going at all cos i was damn
tried but i know i must take my paper today so i force myself
to sch and take the paper.

After the paper i when home nv go anyway cos all my friend
is busy so i stay at home and sleep and rest the whole day
it was nice that i can sleep the whole day

i am really sick of bird nest i have been having bird nest
for more than a week damn fking sick of bird nest my mother
told me i am going to have take bird nest till my n lvl is over
wow i think i am going take bird nest after the N lvl

this is today